I Love As Much As You

I Love As Much As You

I anticipated complaining of a waking baby.

Not of being grateful he's able to wake at all.

I anticipated the wonder of time rushing past.

Not of reflecting on milestones so small.

I anticipated crying at immunizations and bumps while leaning his way.

Not of agonizing  at more test, specialist and word of more delays.

I anticipated choices over preschool, clothes and scout troops.

Not of choices between hospitals, specialist and finding a support group.

I anticipated loving him, enjoying his independence from me soon.

Not loving him so much I'd want to keep him sheltered in my cocoon.

I anticipated health and perfection when my baby was inside,thinking

Anything less would be tragic.

But now that he is here, my special son had worked some kind of magic.

I anticipated anger and disappointment at this fate;

Not the joy and growth and knowledge that have become mine as of late.

I anticipated something different, that is certainly true;

But that's because I never could have anticipated one I love as much as you.

Kathleen Hoppe; August 1995