I have come to realize......

I'm in desperate need of some ME time. I love Noah dearly. I'm with him 24/7. I need a break. I've been feeling trapped and very alone. Is their really a world outside my window?

I want to feel alive again. I want to know what it is to be Susan. I want to feel over the moon in love with my husband again. I do love you Scott. I'm so sorry that I don't show it much. The last almost 13 years has been so hard for our family. We've had our ups and our downs. Lately I've been wondering why us? What is Noah's purpose? What does God wants me to do from here? One thing I do know is...... Noah is such a blessing. I can't imagine what our lives would be like without him.

All About Emily

What can I say..... you are the best daughter,sister and friend anyone could ever ask for.
You are kind, considerate, honest, loving and everything in between.

This year you have really come out of your shell and trying new things. You have made flag in band, melloettes, show choir, chamber choir and a part in this years play. I'm so glad you are busy doing things instead of sitting at home being very lonely.

I know sometimes you feel like this,

I may not be gorgeous, beautiful or even have the perfect body. I may not be every one's 1st. choice but, I'm ME and I don't pretend to be anyone else.

That's one of the things I love about you.
(But, I do think you are a very beautiful person.)

You are such a loving nurturing person. You put everyone before yourself.

I love how you take the time to let Noah know how much you love and adore him. Thank you for helping him to be able to do things with his friends. Like the school plays.

You are not afraid to tell anyone that you are a christian. They will know you are a christian by your love. I admire you for that. Never be afraid to keep being yourself.

Lately on facebook I have come across some great sayings.(Thanks Taylor)

That have really touched my heart. They made me think of You:

Sometimes when I say I'm ok, I just want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you're not"

I'm the girl that gets hurt for being too nice. I'm the girl who knows what she wants but doesn't know how to get it. I'm the girl who will always be there for you and never judge you.

Nobody really knows how much someone is hurting. You could be standing next to someone who is completely broken and not even know it.

Emily I just want you to know that I love you very much and I think you are beautiful person inside and out.

Love, Mom

Never thought I would ever hear......

Noah Nov. 2010

Noah Dec. 2009

Wow he's fat. Let me back up about a year ago. Noah had just gotten out of the ICU at the Cleveland Clinic. He weighed 45lbs. Wore a size 8 and could still wear the largest baby diaper. Yes he was very skinny and yes he needed to gain some weight. His doctor started Noah on Bena-calorie and Bena-protein to hopefully help gain a little. By February Noah still hadn't gained anything. For whatever reason, maybe his body started processing things differently, I'm not sure but, in April Noah started gaining weight. Each time Noah went to the doctor through the summer he had gained a little bit more. I kept asking the doctor are you sure he needs to gain some more weight? He kept saying yes.(He was always wanting Noah on the growth chart) I second guessed that and fed him a little less but, he still gained. I started jokingly calling him lead butt. Because most of the weight was around his middle. Last week he had an appointment with his gastro-enterologist. The appointment went pretty well. I explained to her that Noah had gained 21lbs since April and I was wondering if his g-tube was still the right size. She asked what he was eating and commented on how good he looked. She then proceeded to lift his shirt..... she took a few seconds and then said " Wow he's fat!" I was thinking to myself..... someone just called my little boy fat. Are we still talking about the same little boy that looked so sickly a year ago? I then thanked her for understanding and seeing the same thing we have been seeing the last 6months. Noah has gained weight, he is healthier and doesn't need to gain anymore weight. He is actually still 6lbs shy of being on the growth chart. I feel (and his gastro-enterologist feels) that he doesn't need to be on the growth chart.

Happy Halloween and a trip to the Cleveland Clinic

We went to the Columbus Zoo for Boo at the Zoo. Noah and his Daddy had brunch with Batman and other super heroes. They had a great time.

Noah can't enjoy the candy he would get from Trick or Treating so we go to the zoo instead.

This is the jack o lantern he helped design. He was pretty proud of it.

We colored cooked spaghetti orange and let Noah play in it. You could hear his happy sounds all the way into the living room. He rally loves yucky stuff. Typical boy I guess.

Morgan and Emily was invited to Amber and Linda's Halloween party. I used to watch them years ago. They were Morgan and Emily's first friends. It had been 10 years since they lost saw them. They were so excited to see them again.

Maddie you are such a goober.



Wednesday we went back to the Cleveland Clinic. Noah had a test done to see if his nissan had come loose. We found out yesterday that it is still intact. So, no surgery for Noah in the near future. That was good news but, now we still need to found out why Noah keeps getting sick. Talking about him getting sick...... usually when we go to the Clinic Noah makes himself sick because of the stress. We was so impressed with Noah on Wednesday. He didn't get stressed at all. Keep him your prayers that he stays well.